Apastron
by DarkRulerDominica
Summary: short one-shot in which Jonah Makka ponders his feelings for Keith Anyan. Rated T for shounen-ai/suggestive themes.


Title: Apastron

Author: DarkRulerDominica (FF); Ninja-Chi (DA)

Terra E ... if someone mentions it I drool. Not only is Terra E a wonderful story, it contains one of the cutest couples out there: Keith Anyan and Jonah Makka. Their relationship in the 2007 anime doesn't even have to be slashed – it's practically canon. Now, before you get all excited about boy's love in futuristic space, no, they don't kiss (just because we don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen, though!), but their interactions are that of an established couple. Keith Anyan is the strict puppet of the Superior Dominion (SD) System, and he must follow the order to kill any Mu (a race of mutated humans with psychic and telekinetic abilities); Jonah Makka is a Mu who's trying to hide his abilities from the regimented futuristic society. Keith finds out early on Makka is a Mu, so what does he do? He employs him to be his coffee boy and right-hand man! Keith insults Makka with a sneer repeatedly about being a Mu, while Makka frets about not being able to see inside Keith's heart; Makka panics when Keith is held hostage by other Mu, and Keith dotes on a fainted Makka (yes, these are all actual scenarios from the show). It's allegedly a shounen space show, but it's not fooling anyone.

*SPOILER WARNING*

Oh yes, the scenario for this tale: it's a short one-shot told by Makka. He basically reflects on his interactions with Keith, and he wonders if the other feels the same as he. I decided to have Makka tell this on the day he's later killed by the Mu Tony Asuka, because I'm angsty like that. I hate Tony so much for trying to kill Keith, and I really hate him for killing Makka.

"Apastron" is an astronomy term for the greatest separation distance between two stars; in this story Makka feels Keith is so far from him, and he in turn knows he's not helping matters by not sharing his feelings with Keith. Ooo, deep.

I was looking for another term for "mind", and I came across "Anima", which is Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung's term for the feminine part of a male's personality, as well as the part of the psyche that's directed inward and is in touch with the subconscious mind. It reminded me of Makka when I read it, so into the story it went!

I was getting inspiration to write this back two months ago while I "Terra-thoned" (my nerd term for marathon-watching Terra E). Since then I've moved out to Japan for a one-year English-teaching contract. I was feeling lonely and homesick, so I wrote this.

SHOUNEN-AI/SUGGESTIVE WARNING!

Even though nothing happens, Makka does mention his desires from Keith, and some covert implications are used. I just wanted to give a head's up. If you don't like homosexual themes, don't read this story.

Okay, you know the drill: please read and review!

Disclaimer: I don't own To Terra; the legendary Keiko Takemiya does.

Summary: _A short one-shot in which_ _Jonah Makka ponders his feelings for Keith Anyan._

Rated T for shounen-ai/suggestive themes.

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There's that look again.

I hate when Keith glares at me – I feel so naked. I worry he can perceive every secret I've cloistered in my heart when he does. I haven't committed any infraction that demands the glower, either – rather, it's what I am that causes it.

It's been the daily routine since I crossed paths with Member Elite Lieutenant Commander Keith Anyan of the National Knights 7th Guard Fleet. Or actually, Senator Anyan of Parthenon as of a week ago. I had been at Pesetra a short while, having recently arrived from an education station. I'd led others to believe I was eager to become a footman in the Space Navy on a remote planet, but the explanation was a ruse, it pains me to say. I had noticed a change in myself after my Maturity Check. Psionic is the term, I think. I started hearing people's thoughts even though they didn't speak, and I could make objects move if I concentrated enough. I was scared - I knew I had to keep these inexplicable abilities confidential, and surprisingly, I did so for three years. As soon as I could, I applied to transfer to an isolated base to perform menial labor. It served as a cover under which I could remain safely out of the main sector's eyes. Additionally, my track record of poor grades made that the only nature of employment accessible to me. I had always been a neurotic child with difficulties concentrating, after all.

But my refuge didn't last on Pesetra. A year after my arrival, Keith turned up to investigate an occurrence on the planet Sylvester 7, an abandoned base of the Sylvester Solar System in the Solied District. We were briefed beforehand that a Members Elite was to be stationed provisionally at Pesetra. I had never seen a Members Elite in the flesh, but I'd heard remarkable things about them, especially Keith Anyan, the young prodigy of the Terran Government who was ascending in rank and power at record speed. Rumor had it he was the favorite of Mother Eliza, one of the SD's Mother terminals. I couldn't understand how a program could proclaim a human to be its preferred individual, but I didn't question it – it wasn't my place.

When I finally saw Keith I couldn't keep my thoughts clear and I had a prolonged case of the chills – I attributed it to my usual lack of focus, or just anxiety. He scared me. His mind scared me. Like the idiot I am, I read his thoughts in a moment of commotion; he somehow knew I'd done it and accused me of being something called a 'Mu'. I'd never heard the term before then, but I later learned it's the reason why the SD conducts Psion Checks. I thought he'd turn me over to the government, but he refrained. For a week following I jolted whenever I saw him, thinking he'd have me arrested, yet he did nothing – he never even told the Space Navy or the Knights my secret. I felt extremely confused, to say the least. As a champion of the SD System, wasn't he supposed to eliminate all threats?

Since then he's made me his personal assistant. My duties are secretarial – mainly go-fer tasks like making him coffee or stacking papers. I question why someone as detached as he would keep me around. Shortly following our rocky initial interaction, he transferred me from the Space Navy to a member of the National Knights. I'm not complaining, though. This new position has granted me privileges and clearance that mirror the rank of an Elite Lieutenant, yet I can't understand why he approved it. He claims he's using me merely to lure other Mu, but he has yet once to live up to this allegation. I've never seen or spoken to another Mu, and I certainly have never acted as bait for them. The only time I heard the idiom other than from Keith's lips was when I scouted Sylvester 7 for his whereabouts and someone contacted me on my ship's radio, asking if I was a Mu. The topic seems to be taboo elsewhere.

Our interactions baffle me greater. He has an affinity for calling me a "monster" and speaks of his plans to eventually have me court marshaled and executed, but I'm beginning to believe it's all a bluff. In moments of aggravation I hint that I've poisoned his coffee, but it's just bombastic show. Is Keith living behind a pretense, too, when he threatens to turn me over to the SD? He has to be; I don't care if he said I was a level one threat – a threat is a threat to the SD System. I try prying into his mind whenever I think he's not on guard – he's the only person whose mind I can't read. He gets enraged by my insubordination, and he usually slaps me; even when he's sleeping he keeps his thoughts closed. How someone does that, I don't know. The Members and Knights taught him extremely well.

I sometimes have to stop and wonder: why am I so fixated to unlock his mind? I was drawn to him from the first moment; never had I met someone I couldn't read. After a while it became a personal drive, a maddening crux I had to solve. Even when his irritation flares following my endeavors at scanning, he only admonishes me then and there; he's never forbidden it entirely from then on out. I think he's tolerant.

At least, I want him to be.

I won't lie; I find him fascinating… more so than I rationally should for simply being his PA. My skin flushes if his hand brushes against mine when I'm giving him his coffee, and I usually have to catch my breath after I leave the room. I'm always eager to see him, even if I'm only passing him in the hall or filing papers he's handed to me. When he makes appearances in front of the fleet he calls me to his side, and I willingly comply. Elite Lieutenant Serge Starjon is his appointed aide, yet I too flank Keith. The heat his body radiates stirs me, serving as the only surefire panacea I'm aware exists. Judiciously, when I look back to when he was held captive on Sylvester 7 my reactions were out of the ordinary. Why was I so fanatical about rescuing him? A sense of duty, perhaps? Already he'd been abusive to me in the short week I knew him; I had nothing to gain by requesting clearance from Captain Glaive Murdock to conduct a search of the planet's terrain and should've been thrilled that the lieutenant was potentially dead, thus liberating me from his SD Damocles' Sword. But try as I might, I couldn't feel relief – quite the reverse, I was filled with a black terror with the notion of losing him.

"Losing him". I shudder to even imagine it.

I've thought of him in what one would call "inappropriate" ways for how a man should think of another man if they're only acquaintances. I assume he's noticed, because he'll look over at me spontaneously when I'm standing abreast to him, prompting me to twist my head away with a tell-tale mask of red burning my face. He's not angry or amused when he catches me; he's just… deadpan Keith. In those transitory seconds I scan him just to know what's going on in his head, but it's no good. During those times - and those times only - he doesn't yell at me for looking into him.

Lately, my mind began wandering beyond the naive boundaries of subdued attraction and into a realm of a deep-seated hunger. Repetitively my subconscious beckons reminiscences - as well as speculations - of him to my mind's eye late at night while I'm alone in my room, eliciting a yearning thirst in my body that I have to quench myself while making certain not to wake others. I know, ultimately, Keith is the only one who can oppress this fire he has inadvertently stoked. I wonder if he suspects me ever, and what I do when I'm alone thinking of him.

When I rescued Keith and he discussed his plans to wipe out Sylvester 7's Mu colony, he started purposely antagonizing me, saying I was a monster like the Mu, and a coward whose emotions would be the death of me. I lost my nerve and tackled him – it was totally out of line for an underling to lash out at a superior, I know. So there I was, on top of him in the cockpit, halfheartedly wrapping my hands around his throat. I know he easily could've pushed me off, but he just lied there with that smug face of his. In such a fleeting moment – I don't know why - I had an urge to kiss him. Part of tackling him was antagonism, but I won't deny that a frustrated urge had seized me. With that, I wonder: what would've happened had I kissed him? Would he have rebuked? What if he reciprocated and allowed it to unfold even further? Keith and I, alone in space, without a single soul for light years around… I have the goose bumps right now at thinking about it. Laugh at me, I don't care. All I know is I can't push him from my thoughts. I try my hardest, but I can't bring myself to hate him. Masochistic? Perhaps. Stupid? Definitely.

The hunger is growing more ravenous by the day, and I fear it'll consume my judgment before long. We were heading out to the derelict Education Station E-1077 a short while ago, the station where Mother Eliza was located. I asked him why he was heading to an abandoned station, but he was tight-lipped. Knowing his desire for secrecy, I started chatting with him to pass the time. He ignored me, so I became brazen. I asked telepathically what he felt about me… and us. He never answered, but I can't be sure if he just didn't catch the message or if he only chose not to respond. The tension in the cockpit after that was overwrought, to say the least, and we barely spoke for the remainder of the voyage.

I ask myself what I want from him, and although I know the answer, I can't grasp why I've come to this consensus. Of all people, why does it have to be Keith Anyan? Why has he invaded my psyche, overwhelming my anima to the point where I practically breathe him? I know I'm wasting my time; he's a remarkable man, destined for greatness I could never begin to fathom. If he ends up with someone, it'll more than likely be a governess from a reputable family… not a defect like me.

Then again, Keith's never candidly expressed why he keeps me around like he does. He truly is the ideal machine child of the SD System.

Of course, I'm no less guilty by hoarding my feelings for him, but I fear what would happen if I confided in him. Whenever I formulate a casual way to bring it up, something takes away my voice and represses my gallantry, more often than not an internal influence. Perhaps one day I'll muster ample courage that will let my stifled feelings flow like a fresh breeze.

Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself. All day long I've felt uneasy, and Keith's heart has been steely cold since this morning. However, it's not like usual – he's totally shut himself off from everybody. Not to sanction his demeanor, but there _is_ a lot of ugly business afoot presently, what with our losing those fleets to the Mu attack on Thursday, as well as the whole situation with the Colditz prison. I heard him speaking briefly to a doctor today about his friend Sam, whose health has been less than stellar. I think I'll ask Keith about it when I take him coffee later. He has to learn I'm here for him.

If only he would open his mind to me. No, if only he'd open his heart to me.

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End file.
